I initially wrote this with the intent of it being short. But then I ended up rambling far too much about Romany cultures and some religious and cultural diaspora that has been tugging me around back and forth. I wanted to just discuss how my work and my practise has been changing and developing as well as how my background and the tribes I associate with and connect to have impacted me and my current growth and the crises that have sprouted from the impacts they have had on my growth.
I grew up aware of a schism between my family and other groups. The tumultuous experience between several different joint groups and peoples sort of separated us in a way. My mother was mixed between Irish Traveller (Which is *NOT* Romany actually at all), and the group culture that I am familiar the most with being Bohemian Romani with Sinti blends.
There are a broad amount of Romany tribes with a lot of ethnic diversity as well as linguistic and spiritual beliefs. There is a family background of disliking the church so very much to a point where I was sheltered away from the Orthodoxy and my family catered to only the familial traditions and systems of belief that were developed over the years. We had a strict “Pagan Only” household as I was raised mostly by my aunts and uncles and my grandparents as my mother was busy both being in the military as well as going to school. My mother is a non practitioner though. This hostility towards the church really stems strongly from the sheer fact that the religious fanaticism of Christianity has facilitated a lot of genocide against us as a whole as well as the peoples that indigenously were already in the countries we migrated to. All of the indigenous religions were treated with contempt and prosecution. Instead of converting, instead, my family and related tribes chose secrecy over sacrifice.
I inherited most of the belief systems that encompassed the Demonic Workings as well as the traditional beliefs of our area / region. Working with those particular forces and deities was all I ever knew. I knew that there were other tribes of people that we engaged with during certain events such as tribunals or similar gatherings like kris.
But I never really grasped much of them and we were forbidden from speaking about our ethno-religious beliefs when there were outsiders around. Romany people are very “oral tradition” oriented. We practice the art of “shutting the fuck up” when strangers are around. Prosecution and being treated as if we aren’t safe when there are unfamiliar faces is a thing. There’s a degree of xenophobia or at least a sort of “xeno’awareness” that we had even to other tribes. We didn’t trust them. Why? I don’t know. I know most of my extended families were from other tribes as well.
It wasn’t until I was made to travel more and was brought to other places in my youth to actually *stay* with those extended families and peoples that I was exposed to other cultural religions and ways of life. I had grown up to just accept romanype as a specific idea and belief that had a very specific set of rigorous rules and boundaries that I wasn’t really aware of how vastly different other tribes could be.
My family had barred the entirety of anything considered Christian or Catholic from our teachings for a very long time. And I think they still do look at it with a wary and untrusting eye. It wasn’t until a decade ago that I was made aware of the Roman Catholic belief systems of different Romany tribes. And while there’s a lot of diversity with the differences between different tribes, with none of them making any other tribe any “more or less” romany, I was given this strange visual and image / “Sight Vision” of creating a harmonious balance of all of the Romany Traditions from the Tribes that have impacted me the most in my life. Résande, Shelta/Kale, Sinti, Bohemian and Karachi.
For me, this has lead me to explore some of the traditions that I was barred from / discouraged from exploring which includes workings with the Black Madonna / Saint Sarah and incorporating Saint work into my traditions. I began with St. Cyprian who has been critically supportive in this endeavour and wonderful to work with. Working alongside ancestry work with St. Cyprian has ushered in a lot of nuances that I did not have access to before. Being able to connect with other tribes and their backgrounds has been a wonderful experience to gain insight from. While it’s been a shaky start as I’ve not been entirely certain where to go with myself, it’s been emphasised that I should explore at my own pace and go with what feels right. Follow the intuition, so to speak. Whilst it is very alien to me still, like learning a new language, I’m really looking forwards to this integration. I think it will open up such a broad new avenue for me and help encompass a more harmonious relationship to the ethnic beliefs of my people and myself.
Right now it feels like I do not necessarily “belong” anywhere. A sense of betrayal is sitting like bile in the back of my proverbial throat. I’ve broken out of the closed gates that surrounded me and my efforts of strictly upholding *just* the traditions I was given. (Though of course I explored other avenues that were not Romany). And I’ve tapped into the things considered taboo and unacceptable to us. At the same time, this change and the new traditions I’m looking to explore are foreign on my hands and tongue and unfamiliar. I’m a stranger to them. Which has left me feeling displaced and marooned in a sea of uncertainty.
I have had wonderful support, however, and many gifts have come my way to help propriate my work. Rowan has wonderfully gifted me a Saint Sarah rosary which I am so tenderly in love with. And a dear and tender friend has made me a Saint Sebastian piece (though not technically ‘properly a rosary’, it’s perfect?). Though it’s not ‘properly a rosary’, that actually works “better”. Since Saint Sebastian is the one Saint that, despite everything and not knowing much, I’ve always gravitated towards no matter what. So being able to work with and incorporate Saint Sebastian with a token dedicated to Saint Sebastian that is “similar but not the same” allows me to easier bridge the gap of discomfort. I can treat it as I need to help me feel more comfortable in those workings without feeling as if I am misappropriating a tool or a sacred item. It’s specially mine in that way and has made some of the transitions much easier.
I wear and carry the Saint Sarah one with me very often. I never leave home and always have my Saint Sebastian one on me. I adore it tenderly. I’ve taken to carrying more things with me recently like anchors for myself. And it’s helped immensely. I haven’t gotten the whole “prayer thing” down at all. I’m so used to the Demonic workings and traditions. I’ll get there. It’s still a newly sailing ship. It’s still freshly departed from the dock. I’m still getting the hang of the riggings. But I think that with the support I have had as well as the care and guidance of not only the people that support me but the Spirits and Saints and Gods that have ushered me along with care and support. There’s wind in my sails. I just have to keep going.